Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Randomize
