just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
