I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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