over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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