forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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