Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
