Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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