Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I touched a dick in church today
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
