Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
