I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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