I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I understand Curling. That high.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
