Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
