I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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