you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
