Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
