I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
