imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
