I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
