I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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