They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
