If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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