This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
what day is it and did you see me today?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
