got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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