I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
