then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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