Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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