i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
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Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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