so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
