I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
