i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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