Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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