You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
