Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
