The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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