I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Are my feet made of real feet?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
