Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
