hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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