I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
