Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
