And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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