She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
