it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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