so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
