I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
The beer is more important than you right now.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
