you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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