Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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