the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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