yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
