I'm so fucking centered right now
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
