he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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