So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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