This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
