judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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