gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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