I faked an abortion last night.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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