Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
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My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
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Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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