Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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