Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
