**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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