Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
We need a shit load of segways right now
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
