Just fell off a train. Bad.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
