Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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